This Band’s Craigslist Ad For Studio Time Is Just Too Much

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Don’t have money for studio time? Here’s an idea. Post a Craigslist that discusses your brilliance and why it’s a great idea to “invest” in you by giving you free studio time. That’s just what one Nashville band did.

In their words:

“We have an exceptional band and all of us are extremely talented. We are probably some of the best musicians you’ve ever heard. Our band is ready to go places. We have written several fenominal songs that we know are going to be big hits. And they sound even better when you are high. We just need help getting them in front of people. Unfortunately, we don’t have much money. We are hoping to find a recording studio that is willing to record us for free.

We will give you 1% of the profits. This may not sound like a lot until you do the math. We figure there’s about 300 million people in the USA (not counting other countries). We figure that a minimum market of 1% is 3 million sales at $1.00 a song you have 3 million dollars. At 1% is $30,000. These numbers are fairly conservative since this doesn’t included people buying more than one songs. “

Seems reasonable. Uh.

Some other highlights:

“We only want to use top of the line gear so you must have great equipment. We’ve heard about Newman and Tellerfunker mics and those would be acceptable to us.”

 

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Some of their requirements, you know, for the opportunity to record them:

  • “Lots of food on hand as we don’t work as well on empty stomaches. (Some beer would also be nice.)
  • We need a studio that is 420 friendly and maybe even willing to supply some to help give our creativity a boost. (It will shorten the amount of studio time needed so it’s a good investment for you.)”

Oh, and they “are willing to use a metro gnome.” So, there’s that.

See for yourself

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Funny joke? I’d say, less laugh out loud and more cry into the Neve console while cradling your U47 whispering “don’t you worry, you’re safe with me.”


Ari Herstand is the author of How To Make It in the New Music Business, a Los Angeles based singer/songwriter and the creator of the music biz advice blog Ari’s Take. Follow him on Twitter: @aristake

Photo of the beautiful A room is taken from The Terrarium in Minneapolis where I recorded my last record. Amazing sounding drum room. For the record, I paid for studio time. 

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14 Responses

    • anon

      Of course, it’s told in “there” words. Maybe Ari should write their bio and make it a spelling fest.

      Reply
  1. Bitter A-hole from Jazz Hell

    Sad thing is, even though we don’t yet know who this band is, we probably will soon. As ridiculous and naïve as these clowns sound they will end up getting more press and attention than the rest of us out here combined, slogging it out day to day trying to do all of this the right way. Actually, somebody in that camp probably knows what’s up and they’re just pulling a big fat one on us all. We’re going to make fun of them and call them a bunch of idiots and then in the end they’ll laugh all the way to the bank with their free studio time. It’s like the “Friday” video. We all just LOVE stupid. But stupid makes the money and talent and hard work mean almost nothing, really. I know. I’ve been at it now for almost 25 years. Multiple music degrees, etc. Nobody gives a s**t about any of that. I just have to decide to finally make the plunge into stupid before anything is ever going to happen. Maybe that band needs an awesome bass player with a master’s degree in Jazz Studies.

    Reply
    • Anonymous

      It’s not a real band, it’s a joke ad put up by someone from Blackbird Studios in Nashville.

      Reply
  2. Vail, CO

    But stupid makes the money and talent and hard work mean almost nothing, really.

    Disagree. I’m not talking about this situation, but, what seems silly, like LMFAO, is often shrewdly calculated and the result of lots of hard work.

    Reply
    • Ari Herstand
      Ari Herstand

      Jameson is my go to, ever day whiskey. Bullet Rye or Makers when I’m out. And 30,000 feet in the air, Scotch – whatever they got.

      Reply
  3. Rick Shaw

    Ahhh, the old unrealistic pitch using a top-down approach. Brilliantly ignorant.

    Reply
  4. Anonymous

    Pretty obviously a fake. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was some well known band, like Foo Fighters or something, seeing if anyone would actually take them up on the offer.

    Reply
  5. Sakis Gouzonis

    This is most probably a funny joke.

    Irrelevant/Hilarious Words/Phrases:

    3,000,000 sales (What? What sales? Music is free)

    CDs (What? What CDs? CDs have been abandoned many years ago)

    Reply
  6. Danny

    Our studio gets truly ridiculous phone calls and emails every day, but this is in a class by itself. Most recently, we find ourselves frequently explaining the meaning of the word “deposit”. “No, it’s not a fee, it’s an advance payment to hold the time. No, it’s not in addition to the hourly rate, it’s…. No, your total cost will be (hourly rate x hours)…. ok, you get it?”

    Reply
  7. Paul M

    Um, this can’t be serious, can it?

    “We don’t want reporters their without prior notice. We will allow one day for the press to be present.”

    First off, another stellar misuse of “their/there” within this wonderful piece. Secondly, there must not be much going on in Nashville if a band going into a recording studio is something about which to alert the press. It’s not like much music happens in Nashville anyway, right? So this would definitely be a big deal! Lastly, that’s very big of them to “allow . . . press to be present,” since, you know, we live in a country where the press is terribly restricted on what they can and cannot cover.

    Also, what is a “metro gnome”? A gnome dressed in a 3 piece Armani suit?

    No, it has to be a joke. Ha ha, well done if it is!

    Reply

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