Mark Zuckerberg Brutalizes Nickelback Using Artificial Intelligence (WATCH)

Mark Zuckerberg Shreds Nickelback

Just when you thought it was safe for Nickelback! Enter Facebook scion Mark Zuckerberg, who just shredded the band in a recent AI demonstration.

Onlookers to this bloodsport against Nickelback often wonder: why Nickelback?  Why so many brutal jabs for a mere group of rockers from Canada?

This actually been the subject of intense academic debate, including one groundbreaking study that sourced the ridicule to one moment in history.

Why Do People Hate Nickelback So Much? Research Traces It Back to One Pivotal Event

We’ll let the historians and academics debate these important theories.  But here in the present, Mark Zuckerberg may have landed the most punishing blow of 2016.  In a just-released video showcasing the Facebook’s new artificial intelligence solution, Jarvis, a leading question on Nickelback is met with an ‘intelligent’ response.

Enjoy (especially around 1:12 or so…)

Brutality.

But Jarvis, voiced by Morgan Freeman, actually likes bands like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  He even recommends specific songs from the group.  Ask Jarvis for a Nickelback tune, however, and the response shifts entirely.  “I’m sorry, Mark, I’m afraid I can’t do that. There are no good Nickelback songs,” Jarvis jabs in the video.

Meanwhile, the band itself is battling a rumor that they’re playing Donald Trump’s upcoming Inauguration (they aren’t).  And just recently, cops in a small Canadian town threatened to torture drunk drivers with Nickelback songs.  The punishment went absolutely viral, forcing the sheriff to issue an apology for ‘bullying’.

+ Musicians, This Is How You Deal With Haters

All part of one of the biggest cultural punching bags of our generation.  Back to the artificial intelligence solution, Zuckerberg will be battling a number of rivals, though voice-activated AI seems to be in its early stages.  Currently, solutions like Alexa are hit-and-miss, and Siri is notorious for botching requests.  That could start to change in the coming years, especially with Facebook intensifying the competition.

12 Responses

  1. Avatar
    Anonymous

    “I’m sorry, Mark, I’m afraid I can’t do that. There are no good Nickelback songs”

    Can they even do that?

    I’m really, really not a Nickelback fan, but this is not a review based on somebody’s personal opinion. Though tongue-in-cheek, this pretends to state a fact based on AI.

    I mean, Nickelback might as well claim that recent scientific research proves that Zuckerberg is an idiot.

    • Avatar
      Anonymous

      Also, how is this not the exact kind of hate-speech and bullying Zuckerberg allegedly wants to stop on FB?

      • Avatar
        Paul Resnikoff

        Just let all that go for a second. Sip a cold one, take a puff… and enjoy the presentation.

    • Avatar
      not a nickelback fan

      Agreed – since when was Mark Zuckerberg cool? He’s not. He has money, but he is DEFINITELY NOT cool.

      • Avatar
        Iwasthere

        There is a grainy picture of a younger, freer Mark Z, eyes closed, presumably feeling the music at a sf rave in he early aughts. That makes him cool right? j/k

  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Can’t stand Nickelback, but I’d rather listen to them than the Chili Peppers 10 times out of 10.

    • Avatar
      Paul Resnikoff

      …unless it’s the Red Hot Chili Peppers singing Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” on Carpool Karaoke. Because that happened.

  3. Avatar
    Antinetter

    I remember one performance Nickelback did at the grammy’s sometime in the last 15 years, and got a standing ovation, and to me, it was a relief to hear a real band at the time. They did have at least a couple decent songs, even if some others weren’t great.

    Zuckerberg is a foul member, along with Larry Page, of a group of monopolist tech fascists ruining the lives of creative people. He should be in court answering charges for copyright theft.

    • Avatar
      Anonymous

      “Zuckerberg is a foul member, along with Larry Page, of a group of monopolist tech fascists ruining the lives of creative people. He should be in court answering charges for copyright theft.”

      Spot on, sir!

  4. Avatar
    Nick

    This is so awesome. I can’t wait for AI like that to make its way into my home.